What's In A Name?

What's in a name? What, indeed? 
When I was growing up, I wished my name was "Sue" or "Chris" or "Deb." Nobody knew how to spell "Karleen" and my last name was "Krisher." So when someone asked my name - to put on a name tag or application or whatever - and I said, "Karleen Krisher," I was usually met with blank stares. I learned early on to just spell out, "K-a-r-l-e-e-n K-r-i-s-h-e-r." Now I get lots of compliments on my name - people think it's pretty and I have to admit that I rarely find anyone else with the same name or spelling so it's fun to be unique. And my last name is "Hayden" now which most people can at least take a stab at.
We have about seven hospitals within a 30 mile radius of where I live and most of them publish birth announcements every few weeks. I love reading the names but am often left scratching my head in wonder........Were these parents sober when they stuck their child with a particular moniker??
I was perusing one list a few months ago and came across the name "Cash Sale." Seriously. This child will to go a store and fill out an employment application and when asked his name will reply, "Cash Sale." "Well, yes, a cash sale is acceptable here in our store but WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" "Cash Sale." The employer is going to begin to wonder if the applicant speaks English or is perhaps actually looking for the electronics department.
I still see a plethora of names with apostrophes, commas, and other arcane punctuation. Imagine being dubbed Ke'wane*ootsa-watooziena.......or something like that. As a former first grade teacher, I always think, "Yowzer. That child won't be able to write his name until 4th grade!" 
I think all parents should be forced to say their child's name out loud many times before actually christening the child with it. Remember the old Prince Spaghetti ads?? The mom leans out the window and yells, "AAAAAAAAAAATHONYYYYYYYY!" That's an easy name to holler, right? Imagine leaning out the window and shouting, "Nazir-wocka'queediddlya'meena!"
When I was a teaching assistant back in the '70's, there was a little girl at our school whose name was "Marilyn Monroe." I'm not joking! And at Halloween her mom would dress her up as "the" Marilyn! I often wondered what sort of lasting impression that had on that little girl.
It would be an interesting sociological study - asking adults if their given name had any effect on their psychological development. I mean, if you're going to name your child "Ni'quill'forakoff," it's bound to have consequences, right??
There was a guy in a small town in a small state who legally changed his name to Coke Is It. But that's a story for another day and besides, he was a fully formed adult when he chose that................
Think Snow, everybody!!!! (Say, that might be a good name...........)

Uncertain T's

I like reading t-shirts with sayings on them. They give you a clue as to the personality of the wearer, don't they? My t-shirts usually have the name of a play with which I've been associated, or they have frogs or horses on them. It's not hard to figure out what my interests are by looking at my shirts. I don't think anyone would be offended by them, either. Unless, of course, you're biased against frogs or horses or hate the theater..........
My daughter and I attended an outdoor theater production last summer and were sitting there enjoying the beautiful evening, dining on subs and chips and Oreos (yeah, we're a class act) and chatting amiably when into our direct line of vision lumbered a rather large man - unshaven, hair stuck up all over his head (an unfortunate electrical outlet accident, perhaps?), dirty velcro sneakers, and he was probably in his late 20's. He stood right in front of us, visiting with his friends and when he turned in our direction, we saw the front of his t-shirt. It had a very LARGE arrow pointing down to his crotch and the words above it said "$5 FOOT LONG."
SERIOUSLY???? Daughter and I looked at each other, first in horror, and then in a fit of giggles. We tried very hard to maintain our composure while desperately wanting to saturate the air with loud, unlady-like guffaws and cries of, "EW! EW! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Just before Christmas I was wandering aimlessly through Target in that pre-Christmas trance, when I noticed a young guy walking toward me wearing a black t-shirt that had an arrow with a point on each end (up & down). Interesting, I thought. As he passed by me, I realized that the arrow going up was pointing to "MR. RIGHT" and the arrow going down pointed to.....(are you ready for this?) "MR. ALL NIGHT." 
I suppose people like that go all through their lives wondering why they can never get a date! And lest you think I'm picking on the men, I've seen some very eyebrow-raising t-shirts on the ladies, too! Don't these people THINK about what they're wearing when they go out in public??? 
Start reading the t-shirts around you. It's a real education!! (WalMart is the best place to start but I'll warn you......it's not for the faint of heart! LOL)

Poop In The Parking Lot

Seriously, am I the only one who finds dirty diapers in the parking lot?? Last summer my daughter and I had to go to WalMart and as we walked around to the back of my truck in the parking lot, she suddenly squealed, "EWWWWWWW! Oh, my god! EWWWWW!!" While pulling into the parking spot, I'd run over a dirty disposable diaper and there it lay, like a mutant squashed bug, gelatinous innards and nasty brown goo splatted everywhere! And the other day when I got out of my truck at the local grocery store, I looked down to see another diaper! This one was still taped together as tho someone had been walking along holding a baby and the diaper just fell off - whomp! - onto the ground. You'd think someone would notice that they were carrying a butt naked baby. So there it was, still taped but with brown crap squirting out around the edges. Why do people do that? Don't they know what a trash can is? It's that big metal or plastic thing with a swinging door or maybe a plastic bag draped around the edges. Geez.
These are not isolated incidents, either! And how about the idiots who decide to empty their car ashtrays or toss their MacDonald's bags and left-over food in the parking lot? IT'S NOT A GIANT DUMPSTER, PEOPLE!!!
It's gross. Watch where you step next time you go shopping. That goo on your shoe just might be poo!

PET Peeve

Yes, today my post is about a PET peeve - literally. If anyone out there reading this is thinking about getting something alive as a gift for their child or for the whole family, PLEASE take the time to do the research!!!! 
A dog? Well, who can resist a Jack Russell puppy? They're cute, they're smart, they're cuddly.....they're HIGH MAINTENANCE! And as they get older, their uber enthusiasm for life and quest for high-energy activities can inadvertently get them into trouble with their humans! Jacks need stimulation, a job, mind-stretching activities! And left to their own devices, they'll create their own version of "fun." They're too often found languishing in shelters and foster homes when their unsuspecting owners have finally had "enough" of what is truly just natural behavior for these special little dogs! Do the research!! 
Border collies, beagles, toy breeds......they all have their special redeeming qualities but they all have certain requirements to remain happy. They're not happy being cooped up in a cage all day! Dogs need to be walked and played with on a regular basis. And they need to learn manners if they're going to live inside a house with humans. All of this takes time and commitment!!!
Do the research!!
A pony? A mini horse? Oooohhhhhh......TOO CUTE! Oooooohhhh.......high maintenance!! Ponies and minis come with an entire card file of "don'ts" and many people unfamiliar with equines, especially the smaller breeds, can literally kill a horse with kindness. If your child is begging for a pony, do everyone a favor and pay for riding lessons first. And if you can, find a stable that will allow your child to actually spend some time working there as a volunteer. I've seen many little girls who at first thought that owning a pony or horse was simply "put on the saddle and go galloping off into the sunset" have their enthusiasm dampened by learning that what goes in one end of that horse comes out the other.......and they're responsible for picking it up every day! And they have to feed, water, and groom the horse, too. AND pick that guck out of their hooves! Unless they're REAL horse enthusiasts, the novelty is going to wear off very quickly.
Rodents? Sure, those mice and gerbils and hamsters looks cute and fluffy in their cages. But again....those cute little critters can get scared easily and the first time a child grabs onto it, what's the animal's first reaction? "GAAAAA!!! Monster's got me!" CHOMP! And suddenly you have a screaming, bleeding child. Take the time to learn how to properly handle these little guys and you'll have a pet you can enjoy.
And please, before you spend a lot of money on any pet, check out your local shelters and rescue organizations! Some of my best animals EVER have been rescues! One of them is actually featured on this blog! The little beagle pictured here was a rescue - literally 24 hours from euthanasia. She'd been raised as a bitch in a puppy mill and had lived most of her life in a cage, producing one litter after another (please don't buy a puppy from a pet store, especially the chain stores!). She was a jolly little gal but totally ignorant about how to live life outside of a cage. She wasn't house broken, she had no idea what a leash was or how to walk with one, she was afraid of grass and snow.......But look at her now!!!!!
Rescues aren't free and there's a reason for that. If you're willing to get a pet, you should be willing to help out the rescue organization. They incur a lot of expenses when they take in an animal and your donation to them when you adopt an animal is but a drop in the bucket for them!
So, yes, get a pet. But do the research and make sure that you know what you're getting into!!!
I did the research.........and still ended up with 2 dogs, a pony, a mini donkey, a cat and a guinea pig. My husband's biggest fear is what I'm going to bring home next! LOL But I knew what I was getting into and I love caring for all my animals! When I take Jelly out for a walk and she bays enthusiastically while on a rabbit scent, when my cat is curled up on his special fleece in the livingroom, when Lucy (minipin/chi cross) curls up beside me to watch TV....it's all worth it! Even when it's 20 below zero and the wind is blowing a gale and I have to schlepp water out to the barn 3 times a day, when I open that barn door and hear those nickers and little donkey brays.... it's all worth it!

Love of animals is a universal impulse, a common ground on which all of us may meet. By loving and
understanding animals, perhaps we humans shall come to understand each other.
— Dr. Louis J. Camuti

Holiday Inflation

 
I love watching the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade, especially the big balloons! And who can forget the Seinfeld episode where Mr. Pitt won a spot handling one of the ropes on the Woody Woodpecker balloon?? Classic! Everybody loves balloons, right?
But what about those gigantic, inflatable "things" that are so popular during the Christmas season? What's with those? I mean, first of all, very few people keep them inflated during the day so as you drive by their house you think, "Hey, somebody threw trash on their lawn!" Or, "There's a pile of clothes on that lawn. Somebody's out there runnin' around naked!" At night, all these inflatables rise out of the lawns like the Great Pumpkin rising out of the pumpkin patch and proceed to sway and weave in the wind like giant, mutant oranments. Oppenheimer the Elf, "AAAAGGH! Santa! Santa! Code Purple! Nuclear disaster at the ornament shop!!" "Calm down, Oppy, let me think! I know! Those people down there will buy anything during the holiday season! Box up all the mutants and deliver them to places like...well, you know the places I mean. Begins with W and ends with mart?" 
I love it when the wind blows and all the inflatables look like they've been on a three day bender. "HO! HO! HOOOOOOOOOO  WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAA! Yeehaw! Wheee! Santa sure loves his egg nog!"
And what about all the energy that people waste on those things? I mean, you have to keep a fan running in order to keep the danged things up! They must have electric bills to rival the Griswolds.
Well, to each their own, I guess. Still......I can't help thinking every year, "Boy, I wish I had a Red Ryder BB gun right about now....."
INFLATION...it ain't always about the money.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Stealing the Holidays

Somewhere out there, someone is driving around in a green van c.1997 with a yellow sign on the side that says "MEALS ON WHEELS." Are they delivering meals? No, they stole the van! Seriously, someone STOLE a van from the meals on wheels program!! Makes me wonder what in the world they were thinking! I mean a Porsche, a Ferrari, a Lexus, even a Kia! But an old green van that delivers meals to senior citizens? I just don't get it. The van didn't even have food in it yet!

But this is nothing new. Every year our local Police Athletic League hosts a beautiful holiday light display in the park. For a set donation, people can drive thru in their cars and take in the splendor of the season, stop by the indoor craft fair, indulge in hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies, etc. Or you can pay to ride the Holly Trolley and get a narrated tour. Or, if you're the really intrepid type, you can walk or bike thru - if you can tolerate the frigid temps. But every so often, someone actually STEALS one of the light displays! Seriously, they just yank it out of the ground and make off with it. These light displays are serious decorations - think Clark Griswold on steroids! Most are HUGE with flashing lights, rotating discs, etc. - a sight to behold. But there are smaller ones - perhaps 6' tall or so and not very wide. Certainly portable enough if you get a few burly guys together, give them a few beers, and say, "Whaddya say, Buffo? I'm bored. Let's us go over and hoist one-a them light things in the park. Huh?" What's the point? I mean, what are they going to do with it? DING DONG! "Hey, Ma! Look what I got ya for Christmas! But, uh, don't go puttin' it in the front yard. Put it in the back bedroom or maybe the basement and enjoy lookin' at it by yourself. And, uh, don't tell nobody where it come from." Seriously? Or maybe they can take it to a pawn shop. "Hey, buddy. I got this here nice light display. No, I din't steal it. What makes you think that?"

Usually the displays are found abandoned in an alley but one year they actually caught a couple of college kids CARRYING ONE DOWN THE STREET! I don't think they were Rhodes Scholars.

Meals On Wheels vans and Christmas lights.........Yes, folks, there are Grinches everywhere. Be on the look-out........................

Evil Appliances

So I'm sitting here waiting for a repairman to magically appear "sometime between the hours of 8:00am and 12:00pm, however we are experiencing delays in your area so it may be after 12:00pm" and thinking about how evil electrical appliances are. First of all, they think nothing of consuming all that energy. They can burn you, shock you, flood your basement, blow up, fry your hair....the list goes on and on. So why do we take them in and give them good homes? Well, it would be hard to live without them. Personally, taking my laundry down to the pond and pounding it with a rock is not my idea of a good time.
Yeah, so here I sit.......with a dead microwave. My husband put a piece of chicken on a plate one night, popped it into the microwave and suddenly.....ZIIIIIIP SSSSST POWIE!! Dead microwave. Being the understanding wife that I am, I immediately yelled, "DID YOU LEAVE A FORK ON THAT PLATE?"
Thing is, we purchased this appliance 15 months ago and had it installed by the contractor who redid our kitchen. The wiring was inspected (I have the certificate to prove it!) so I didn't think that was the problem. I contacted the company that made the oven (begins with an "S") and their first response was, "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't purchase the extended warranty." EXCUSE ME? I paid all that money for a microwave destined to exist for just over a year?? I had this sudden vision of evil little people with pointy hair and squinty eyes sitting in front of special "warranty screens," just waiting for those one year warranties to expire. "Hey, Nerdy, look at this! The Haydens didn't buy the extended warranty." Dorky, "Hee! Hee! Hee!! Let's fry 'em!" Nerdy, "No, let's give 'em an extra 2 months. You know, nuke 'em by surprise!" And 2 months later, they press the red button and KABOOM! There goes Karleen's microwave. Maybe those noises I heard coming from the microwave weren't really frying noises - maybe they were the high-pitched laughter of evil warranty elves.
Meanwhile, I'm using my back-up microwave - a little thing manufactured by GE about 10 years ago and hauled from dorm room to dorm room by my 3 daughters! It's been used and abused and hidden under beds and stuffed in closets to avoid detection by RA's and fire inspectors. "Hey, I know! Let's put it under the bed! I bet they'll NEVER look there!" College kids. But I digress.....That little microwave has taken a lickin' and kept on tickin' and I made no bones about informing the people from the "S" company about that!! I told them that I would never, ever recommend their company to anyone. After some hemming and hawing and checking with supervisors in India and Mexico and Mars, they finally agreed to give me a FREE EXTENDED WARRANTY! Be still my heart. And they sent a repair guy, too!! Who informed me that it was factory defective and he would order the parts and I could call when they arrived and he'd come back and fix the evil appliance. 
So here I sit with a box full of microwave parts. Waiting. 8:00am to 12:00pm. With delays in my area. Sigh.............I think I'll cook a hotdog over the fire for lunch.